I'm On A Boat
by BlistersOnMyFingers
Summary: I'm On A Boat, by The Lonely Marauders, featuring Sirius-Pain. Song-Fic. Rated for language, I mean, have you heard the song 'I'm On A Boat? Crack fic


**A/N-I should be working on my two other fics, but my internet is broken and I like to have my fics up while I type new chapters so I can look back and check my work and stuff... by the way, I'm fairly certain this is the first song-fic to I'm On A Boat, and I'm sorry if someone else already did it, but I swear I was just listening to my ipod and the song came on, and I was bored (no internet means no fanfiction to read :'( )**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry Potter characters in this fic, JK Rowling does. I do not own 'I'm On A Boat', it's by The Lonely Island (featuring T-Pain, of course). Not that it's relevant, but I do not own a boat, and I fear I may never be 'On a Boat'...sniff.**

**I'm On A Boat**

_By The Lonely Marauders, featuring Sirius-Pain_

Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were sitting side-by-side at the Gryffindor table, eating breakfast peacefully when James Potter came in, waving an envelope in the air madly. When he reached them, he sat across from Remus, breathing heavily.

"Did you run all the way here from Gryffindor Tower?" Remus asked, an eyebrow raised, "You usually don't enjoy running, or moving, this early in the morning."

"My parents sent me a letter," James exclaimed, waving the envelope again.

"Aaaaand, this letter is important because...?" Peter said, attempting (and failing) to raise one eyebrow like Remus had.

"They sent me a boat!" James half-shouted, "A sail-boat! It only fits three people, though, and I'm going now, so I choose Remus and..." Remus looked extremely confused, while Peter looked excited. Suddenly James turned his head sharply to the left, where Sirius could be seen, his hair braided into cornrows, "Sirius-Pain!"

"When did Sirius get there?" Remus exclaimed.

"Word," Sirius said, leaning back in his seat and nodding.

_*****************************************_

_Shorty_

Music started playing loudly, and the three Marauders suddenly found themselves on a large cruise ship.

"James, I thought you said it was a sailboat?" Remus looked around, "_This_ is definitely not a sailboat! How did we get here? When did you two change into suits? Wait, when did _I_ change into a suit."

"Chill out, Remus," Sirius said, putting a red rose into the pocket of his tux.

"Where did you get a rose? We're on a bloody boat!"

James frowned and looked around, "This boat isn't bloody..."

_Awww shit, get your towels ready it's about to go down_

_Everybody in the place hit the fuckin' deck _

_But stay on your mother fuckin' toes_

_We runnin' this let's go_

James pulled three towels out of a box that was on the deck and layed them out on the ground.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

"_We_ are tanning, so come and sit down, Remmy-Boy."

"We can't tan, Prongs, we're in suits."

_I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)_

_I'm on a boat_

_Everybody look at me 'cos I'm sailin' on a boat (sailin' on a boat)_

_I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)_

_I'm on a boat_

_Take a good hard look at the mother fuckin' boat_

"Ah!" Remus shrieked (In a very he-man way, of course.) "Okay, I _know_ I didn't put on this bathing suit! Last time I checked I was wearing a tux!"

"Just go with the flow, brother," Sirius said. There was a pause, then, "From another mother."

Remus just threw his hands up in the air and stalked away.

_I'm on a boat mother fucker take a look at me_

_Straight floatin on a boat in the deep blue sea_

_Bustin five knots wind whippin' at my coat_

_You can't stop me mother fucker 'cos I'm on a boat_

While Remus was trying to figure out what was going on, James stood at the front of the boat, head thrown back and his eyes closed. His arms were spread out and Sirius was standing close behind him in a very 'Titanic'-ish pose.

_Take a picture trick_

_I'm on a boat bitch_

_We drinkin Santana Champ 'cos it's so crisp_

Remus, it seemed, had found a bottle of firewhiskey and had chosen to drink it, instead of wondering how they were all suddenly wearing sailors' uniforms.

"Remus, man, crack the bottle, and let your body waddle," Sirius started, but James smacked him upside the head, saying,

"Wrong song, you prat." Sirius mumbled something along the lines of 'I'm not a prat' before grabbing the firewhiskey from Remus.

_I got my swim trunks_

_And my flippy-floppy's_

_I'm flippin' burgers you at Kinko_

_Straight flippin' copies _

Sirius was grilling when the television turned on and Peter could be seen copying a worksheet in a copy machine, with a stern-looking (Well, to be fair, she's always stern-looking) McGonagall watching him from behind. James and Sirius laughed, muttering 'poor Peter'.

"We don't even haff a copy m'chin at 'Ogwerts," Remus slurred out, before frowning and taking another swig of firewhiskey.

_I'm ridin' on a dolphin_

_Doin' flips and shit_

_The dolphins splashin'_

_Gettin' everybody all wet_

"James, stop it," Sirius laughed, while James rode on an inflatable dolphin in the pool, "You will be in serious pain if you don't stop sperrrrlashing Sirius-Pain!"

Remus groaned and rolled off of a lounge chair, landing with a 'thump' on the ground and lifting himself onto his elbows. "That was lame, Sirius," he snickered lightly, "It was so lame that now I'm in serious pain!" Remus and James burst out laughing, but Sirius just said,

"I don't get it..." That only made them laugh harder.

_But this is Sea World_

_This is real as it gets_

_I'm on a boat, mother fucker don't you ever forget_

"I know I'm drunk," Remus said, "_Really _drunk. Drunker than, than..."

"Drunker than a monkey in Peru?" James suggested.

"Righ', drunker than a monkey in Poo, but I do not remember coming to Sea World."

"Yeah, I don't either," Sirius muttered, looking distrustfully at the entrance. "IT LURED US IN WITH IT'S MAGIC POWERS!!!" Sirius shouted, and several parents hurried their kids along, sending disapproving glances towards the three of them.

"Don't be stupid, Sirius, there's no such thing as magic powers," James stated, "Wait..."

There was an awkward pause.

"Back to the boat?"

_I'm on a boat, andd_

_It's goin' fast, andd_

_I got an nautical themed_

_pashmina afghan _

_I'm the king of the world_

_On a boat like Leo_

_If you're on the shore_

_Then you're sure not me-o_

The boat sped up a little, and Sirius (in his drunken stupor) fell over and layed there for a minute, before James kicked him and shouted,

_"_Get the fuck up, this boat is real!!!!!!!!"

_Fuck, man, I'm on a boat, mother fucker_

_Fuck trees! I climb buoys mother fucker _

_I'm on the deck with my boys, mother fucker_

_The boat engine make noise, mother fucker_

_Hey Ma' if you could see me now_

_Arms spread wide on the starboard bow ___

_Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow_

_Like Kevin Garnett ___

_Anything is possible!!!!!!!!!_

"Bet'choo this boat can fly!" yelled Sirius, "I bet 10 sickles this boat can fly!"

"You're on!" James said, shaking his hand.

"Your wallet will be in serious pain when you lose, Sirius," Remus said, as he and James started laughing again. Sirius just sighed agitatedly,

"I don't get it!" He cried.

_Never thought I'd be on a boat_

_It's a big blue water-y road_

_Posieden loook at me_

_(All hands on deck)_

_Never thought I'd see the day_

_When a big boat's comin' my way_

_Believe me when I say_

_I fucked a mermaid_

"Jimmy-Jams," Sirius said to James.

"Yes, Sirius-Pain?"

"I bet you that I can shag a mermaid, 'cos we're on a boat, and mermaids live in the water," he said, his words slurred, "If I win, I get my 10 sickles back, if you win, you get 10 more sickles, mmm'kay?"

"You're on!"

_I'm on a boat_

_I'm on a boat_

_Everybody look at me 'cos I'm sailin' on a boat_

_I'm on a boat_

_I'm on a boat_

_Take a good hard look at the mother fuckin' boat_

Remus looked around again. Now they really were on a sailboat, and Sirius no longer had cornrows ("Can't believe I lost twenty sickles in a day") and they were all in their normal clothes.

James was standing over him, saying something.

"Wake up, Moony, c'mon, wake up!"

"'M awake, 'm awake."

_Sh-sh-shahh _

_Sh-sh-shah_

_Sh-shah_

_Sh-Shorty_

_Sh-Shorty_

_Ye-a-ah-ahh_

Remus cracked his eye open and found that he was in the hospitol wing, and James was standing over him.

"Thank Merlin you're awake, Moony."

"What happened?" Remus asked.

"You fell down the stairs, Remus, all the way from the top of the boys' dorms to the common room, it was right scary, it was. Anyway, you're awake now, so that's good. Madame Pom-Poms says you'll be out of here tomorrow. My parents bought me a sailboat, and we're gonna' try it out as soon as you're out of here. Anyways, Lily says my head has deflated quite a bit. Sirius says it was sarcasm, but I'm, like, a super-genious so I would know if it was sarcasm..."

**wow, that was incredibly stupid...but, my dad got home and just fixed the internet, so ima post it anyway :) sorry for any mistakes in the song, but I typed the lyrics as I heard them**


End file.
